Strategize To Succeed
PC412 – Kindness Is More Than A News Story

       Welcome to the next episode of Strategize To Succeed™.  Selectively applying the strategies which we discuss each week will help you as you progress from conditions to opportunities to successes.

       In today’s episode, we are addressing the concept of kindness; why we should care, how much is necessary, and what to do about it.

      My initial thought was whether kindness is a concept that really requires discussion. To me, it seemed elementary. But, then I considered the nature of the society in which we live today. Does a person on public transportation still offer their seat to someone else who may be elderly or infirm? Does one person offer to help another person carry their groceries? When getting on an elevator, does the new arrival smile and say hello?

      Really, you could ask “what’s the difference?” In the grand scheme of things, do any of these, or similar, gestures really matter?

      Your Mentor contends that they do matter. Notwithstanding the prevalence of social media, we are now living in a society of increased isolation, which is not how human beings were created to live. As a result, when any incidental assistance is offered, it is often met with suspicion, rather than appreciation.  

      My contemplation of kindness began a few days ago. Frankly, kindness is not something which I dwell upon, whether in anticipation of my own actions, or someone else’s. Although when I see it or participate in it, it is often cause for a smile.

      At any rate, I live in a high-rise building where I often see numerous people whom I do not recognize. A few days ago, I heard a woman grown. Obviously, that was not a common sound in the building, so I went to explore. I found her, a person whom I did not recognize, and inquired as to her well being. I should say that, unbeknownst to that woman, my hand was already on my phone, ready to dial 911. Fortunately, such action was unnecessary. She had picked up a rather heavy grocery bag, and combined with her shopping fatigue, the groan occurred involuntarily, without any accompanying pain. I then proceeded to offer her help with her package, which she declined. 

      The point is not that I made an inconsequential, unplanned gesture of aid, but the reaction that I received following my offer. This woman was rendered speechless. Her mouth was literally open for a moment, but there were no words coming out. 

      For me to smile would have seemed impolite, so I restrained myself. 

      Eventually, she regained her composure and thanked me for my offer of assistance, acknowledging how nice it was. And then we parted, like two ships passing in the night. I still have no idea who she is.

      The issue is not the significance of my gesture, which I had not scripted in advance, it is the reaction which I received of absolute surprise. Apparently, this woman did not often witness or, maybe even participate in, acts of kindness. 

      The thought which then crossed my mind is how unfortunate that kindness has become more of a rarity, rather than something which we should be able to expect or assume.

      Often, when engaged in any conversation about the presence or lack of kindness, I am faced with a commentary about Covid-19. That people aren’t inherently isolationist, it is a response to the situation which has made them behave that way. While I accept the explanation as given, I don’t necessarily believe it, at this point in time. 

       When the stay-at-home orders were in effect, certainly the objective was to isolate. But now, as we have moved further away from that situation, that theory applied today seems more like an excuse. 

      And, as a matter of full disclosure, I did happen to have a mask on that day, and I was not positioned in that woman’s space.

       So, at what point is the lack of kindness a convenient excuse and, at what point does it become a behavioral choice?

      An amalgam of online dictionary definitions results in a definition of kindness as follows: “the quality or state of being caring, generous, and considerate about other people . . . using one’s time, talent, and resources to benefit others and oneself through genuine acts of love, compassion, generosity, and service. Kindness involves choice and intention.”

      This definition may sound as though it is a description of Mother Teresa, or some other noted individual. But kindness is not intended to be that elevated. It is the little gestures which are so important, and which can often be overlooked.

       In the Harvard Health blog, a posting entitled, “The heart and science of kindness,” by Melissa Brodrick (Harvard Health Publishing, April 18, 2019) outlines how to give and receive kindness.

      The first guidepost is to be kind to yourself, even when you make mistakes. To help others feel better, it is necessary to keep yourself feeling well.

       Ms. Brodrick maintains that the jumping off point for being kind is to first have compassion. Compassion helps us to “recognize our shared human condition . . . which can guide us to acts of kindness.”

       It was pointed out that the effects of kindness have been researched. And probably it should not be a surprise that there was an improvement in the subject’s feelings. “The researchers found that being kind to ourselves or to anyone else – yes, even a stranger – or actively observing kindness around us boosted happiness.”

       Ms. Brodrick advocated choosing to be kind by noting that our range of control is usually limited to our own actions. So, why not make the better choice when exercising such control over oneself?

       Also, noted was that true kindness is an act of altruism. That is to say, kindness is for the benefit of others, not for our benefit. While some may find this objective to be rather disconcerting, take heart in the fact that besides actually helping someone else, you may also benefit from good karma coming your way. Keep in mind the golden rule of “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” So, be kind to others, and eventually someone may be kind to you. 

       If there is any consolation, it is possible to become kinder with practice. Once you start to look for ways in which to be kind to others, it will seem as if situations will automatically come to your attention. And, you know what, the more you stick your toe in the metaphorical water, the better you will feel when taking these actions of kindness.

      As a final note of encouragement, acts of kindness can actually be remembered over long periods of time, years or even decades. These tiny steps of goodness have a lasting effect on their beneficiaries, and perhaps even on you. Such action has a cyclical effect and one that should not be overlooked.

       Now, for those of you who believe that any discussion of kindness is too soft, and perhaps should be limited to religious gatherings, I would like to present another view.

      Kindness is also an element of good business. LinkedIn published an article entitled, “Why KINDNESS is the Most Important Value to Harness” by Amy Aela (June 4, 2018). I would point out that within the title of the article, the word kindness is presented in all-capital letters­.

      Ms. Aela notes in bold-face type “Even in business, kindness is an incredibly powerful tool for building your business, retaining your customers, and attracting referrals.”

      She then continues by listing the following benefits that come with kindness in business: “brings you happiness, releases feel-good hormones, eases anxiety, reduces stress, is good for your heart, can help you live longer, can prevent illness, and can slow down the aging process.”

      The summary offered in this business article focuses on kindness as really a very universal dictate: “The main thing to keep in mind is to open your eyes and be active when you see people in need . . . incorporate the smallest acts of kindness into your everyday life.”

      If you are interested in exploring what has been termed the Science of Kindness by Dr. David Fryburg, where the tag line is that “Kindness isn’t just a nice, moral quality. It’s baked into our biology,” I suggest that you check out the evisionkindness.org website.

      Eric Hoffer was an American philosopher and author. He offered the following comment on kindness. “Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.”

      Thank you for sharing your time today. Remember, your application of strategic decision-making approaches can result in more beneficial outcomes for you, both professionally and personally. Why not turn that process into your opportunity?

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